This is where your child is attempting to gather information about themselves and the world. Whilst most sexual behaviour displayed by pre-school children is age-expected, some behaviours between children can be cause for concern.
Green category behaviour in children under 5
- Attempting to touch or curiosity about other children’s genitals
- Attempting to touch or curiosity about breasts, bottoms or genitals of adults
- Role play games e.g. mummies and daddies, doctors and nurses
- Interest in body parts and what they do
- Touches/ rubs own genitals when nappy is being changed, when going to sleep, when tense, excited or afraid
- Explores differences between males and females, boys and girls
- Asks about the genitals, breasts, babies
- Has erections
- Likes to be naked
- Interested in watching people doing bathroom functions
- Interested in having / bathing a baby
- Puts something in the genitals or rectum for curiosity or exploration
Amber category behaviour in children under 5
- Continues to touch/rub genitals in public after being told many times not to do so
- Continuous questions about genital differences after all questions have been answered
- Touches the genitals, breasts of adults not in the family and asks to be touched
- Interest in watching bathroom functions does not wane
- Puts something in genitals or rectum of self or other frequently or after being told ‘no’
- Rubbing up against other children with clothes off or on
- Pulling other children’s pants down / skirts up / trousers down against their will
Red category behaviour in children under 5
- Touches/rubs self in public or in private to the exclusion of normal childhood activities
- Plays male or female roles in an angry, sad or aggressive manner
- Expresses fear and/or disgust of own or opposite gender
- Sneakily touches adults’ private parts
- Uses coercion or force in role play games with other children
- Persists in putting something in own or another child’s genitals or rectum, even if painful
- Simulated or real intercourse without clothes or engages in oral sex
- Doing any of the above in secret
Responding to sexual behaviour in children under 5
Below we have provided some examples of scenarios that fall under the green, amber and red categories of behaviour, along with suggestions of how to respond to these behaviours. These have been provided as a guide, and it is important to remember that even if a behaviour falls under the green category, this doesn’t mean that the behaviour should be encouraged.
Each behaviour offers an opportunity to talk with children about keeping themselves and others safe, and to let them know that you are someone who will listen.
Remember that it is important to respond calmly.
Green category scenario in children under 5
A 3 year old boy and a 3 year old girl are found playing in the wendy house in the garden, and are showing each other their underwear.
Responding to this scenario
Explain that there are parts of the body that are private. Distract them by removing them from the situation and suggesting an alternative activity.
Amber category scenario in children under 5
A 4 year old boy and a 4 year old girl are found lying on the bedroom floor together, with the boy lying on top of the girl. They are clothed and the girl says they were playing ‘mummies and daddies’. This is the first time either have been found to be engaging in behaviour like this.
Responding to this scenario
Describe the unwanted behaviour clearly. Explain to the children that this behaviour is not OK. Distract them by removing them from the situation and suggesting an alternative activity.
Red category scenario in children under 5
A 4 year old boy regularly tries to coerce other children to touch his genitals whilst playing, demanding in an aggressive way that they touch his private parts. He is also frequently found rubbing his own genitals to the point at which it is painful for him.
Responding to this scenario
Describe his behaviour clearly to him. Point out that his behaviour is not acceptable and is impacting on others. Prohibit the behaviour. Consider seeking advice and support from a childcare professional, for example a GP, health visitor or social worker.
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