Child sexual abuse warning signs

Child sexual abuse is very common. It affects up to 1 in 6 children.

How to stop child sexual abuse

It usually happens in secret and most children who are abused will never tell anyone. Make it as easy as possible for children to tell you about what is worrying them

Sometimes there are warning signs in the child and also in the person harming them. It’s important to be able to spot those signs and get help. Don’t think ‘what if I’m wrong?’, but think ‘what if I’m right?’

Should you have any concerns, you can contact our anonymous Stop It Now helpline (0808 1000 900). You can stay anonymous and don’t have to give your real name, location or any contact details. If you’re not ready to speak to anyone yet, you can also use our live chat or send a secure email.

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger or a crime has been committed, call 999 straight away.

Warning signs in children

Children often communicate distress through their behaviour rather than their words. Changes in behaviour might be a child’s way of showing us they need help.

These lists don’t include every possible sign, and most of these signs of stress could have another explanation for why the child is behaving in this way. But the more signs there are, the more concerned we should be.

Emotional and behavioural signs

an unexpected change in behaviour or personality
regressive behaviours such as bed wetting and soiling themselves
nightmares or trouble sleeping
acting out in sexual ways with toys, objects or other children
becoming withdrawn, depressed, anxious or very clingy
being inappropriately affectionate
an unaccountable fear of particular people or places
outbursts of anger
becoming secretive
changes in eating habits (overeating or under eating)
use of drugs or alcohol
showing sexual awareness inappropriate to their age
Using new adult words for body parts
unexplained money or gifts.
poor personal hygiene or excessive bathing
self-harming or body dysmorphia.

Physical signs

unexplained signs of trauma in the child’s private body areas or parts and mouth area (bruising, bleeding, swelling, sores, infection)
Visible bruising on body and/or face
difficulty walking, standing or sitting
physical pain or itching in the genital area
pregnancy
sexually transmitted infections (STIs)
recurring physical ailments

Warning signs in adults

There may be cause for concern about the behaviour of an adult if they:

insist on physical affection or physical play with a child – kissing, hugging, wrestling
give excessive gifts to the child
take photographs or keep mementos of other children
talk about sex frequently, tell sexual jokes and have inappropriate conversations in the presence of children
single out and give special attention to one child
seek to be or is often alone with a child in a house, car or room
display child-orientated behaviours or engage in childlike behaviour
are overly interested in a child’s personal development
refuses to allow a child privacy or to make their own decisions on personal matters

None of these signs is proof that an adult is committing sexual abuse so it is important to use them with care. Some of these grooming behaviours, like gift giving or praise and rewards, can look like kind and genuine actions from an adult towards a child, which make them difficult to distinguish.

Some behaviours will be normal, healthy and appropriate and others will trigger a gut feeling that something isn’t right. Don’t ignore a gut feeling – speaking up and getting for advice and help can protect children.

Who abuses children?

Most children who have been abused were abused by someone they know.

The people who abuse a child come from all backgrounds, ethnicities, communities and walks of life. They might be rich or poor, male or female, married or single. They might abuse their own children, children within their wider family, the children of friends and neighbours, or children they meet through their jobs or volunteering. Many are bright and friendly, and don’t fit with the ‘monster’ stereotypes. They’re not easy to spot, because they’re ordinary.

People who abuse children are skilled at building trust with other adults, a type of grooming. Abuse might happen after lots of small pushing of boundaries and then it might happen for years without anyone knowing about it.

For more help and support

The experienced advisors on our confidential Stop It Now helpline (0808 1000 900) can help talk things through. You can stay anonymous and don’t have to give your real name, location or any contact details. If you’re not ready to speak to anyone yet, you can also use our live chat or send a secure email.