People who sexually abuse children often build relationships with the child and the adults around them before the abuse takes place. This is known as grooming.
People who sexually abuse children might make friends with parents who are facing difficulties – for example, single parents who need help or support.
Others get to know couples and might offer to babysit. Some seek trusted positions in the community which put them in contact with children. Some target places like playgrounds, parks or shopping centres. Others gain access to children through faith groups, youth work or sporting organisations.
If they don’t already know them through family members, friends or acquaintances, people who groom children online will usually find out information about their potential victim from the start – who they are, what they like, what they don’t like, what they worry about, who they get on with.
They’ll also try to assess how likely it is that child will tell their parents if something worries or upsets them. If they think it’s ‘safe enough’, they’ll then try to isolate the child in some way, while at the same time creating a special relationship with them. This can often happen in social networking and gaming apps and sites, and in chat rooms.
People who groom children sometimes pretend to be younger than they are or a different gender. But sometimes, they just go online as themselves and can find children who are interested or curious to talk about sex, and who might do sexual things on webcam, or even agree to meet up offline. Once close to a child, the person abusing the child will find ways of making sure the child doesn’t tell anyone what’s happening, including about any abuse.
They might play on the child’s fear, embarrassment or guilt about what is happening, perhaps convincing them that no-one will believe them. Sometimes the person will make the child believe they enjoyed it – or wanted it to happen.
They might use gifts, treats or threats about what may happen if they tell – the family breaking up, or the person who abused the child going to prison.
Remember, however hard it is to accept, the person who has abused a child is most often a relative or close family friend.
For more help and support
The experienced advisors on our confidential Stop It Now helpline (0808 1000 900) can help talk things through. You can stay anonymous and don’t have to give your real name, location or any contact details. If you’re not ready to speak to anyone yet, you can also use our live chat or send a secure email.