The development of technology and artificial intelligence has opened the gates to a flood of online child sexual abuse. The growing number of victims and survivors need all the support that society can provide. As well as this, there’s a growing recognition that the families of people who offend are also affected and need help.
Our research has found that as many as three-quarters of family members report symptoms indicative of PTSD after a loved one’s arrest for viewing sexual images of children. The first they hear of their loved one’s offence is usually when the police arrive, an event some call “the knock”. Loved ones of people arrested report feelings of guilt, shame, discrimination and stigmatisation and, for some, these impacts are likely made worse by loneliness and isolation, with little or no access to support.
We’re one of the few places they can turn. After receiving support from our Stop It Now helpline, our Inform group programme gives more in-depth follow-on care for partners, ex-partners, relatives and friends of anyone who has been arrested, cautioned or convicted for online sexual offences against children. It provides a safe, supportive and non-judgemental space where participants can share and explore the emotional and practical impact, alongside people who are dealing with similar traumatic issues.
Loved ones of people who have offended need specialist support
When a crime has taken place, the focus is on the person who committed the offence and the primary victims. Children must be safeguarded and further offending must be prevented. But there is more understanding that there are secondary victims: the family members and friends of the person who offended, whose lives have been turned upside down.
“In trying to navigate these complex situations, I think they are often forgotten,” explained Lizzie, who facilitates our Inform programme. “They are forgotten and only remembered to be shamed.”
Family members often struggle with feelings of shame and judgment. Ida, another Inform facilitator, emphasised, “They feel they are being labelled as part of the offending,” even though they have not been involved. This stigma can create a sense of isolation, making peer support essential.
"You are truly helping so many people when there are a lot who are turning a blind eye or not wanting to speak about it which doesn't make the issue go away but the time and effort that each person that is part of this organisation is putting out there is remarkable."
Inform programme attendee
A life-altering experience
An Inform group session typically begins with a check-in, allowing participants to share their feelings and experiences. Much of the session “is very collaborative and discussion-heavy, not just teaching,” says Lizzie. This approach encourages participants to engage in meaningful conversations about their emotions and experiences, fostering a supportive environment where they can express how the situation impacts them.
The discussions cover topics such as the criminal justice process and why a loved one might offend, as well as risk factors and denial. This information is not intended to justify the offences but to help participants understand the complexities surrounding them.
“It’s really important to emphasise that it’s never anyone’s responsibility to prevent another person offending or reoffending. We offer resources and advice to help them feel more equipped, but not as a responsibility,” explained Lizzie.
A significant theme that arises in these sessions is the confusion and emotional turmoil faced by participants. As Ida observed, “There’s a lot of uncertainty, a lot of difficult feelings about what has happened.” Many people feel a sense of betrayal, particularly if they lived with the offender and were unaware of the crimes being committed. This shock can turn their world upside down, transforming a single incident into a life-altering experience.
Our Inform programme offers a safe space for individuals to voice these conflicting emotions, helping them understand that they are not alone in their experiences. It creates a sense of community among participants. Group sessions allow people to connect with others facing similar challenges, fostering a supportive network.
"Thank you so much for doing this course for family members. It helps to talk freely with others who know and understand what your concerns are. It is a space to help and support others."
Inform programme attendee
"You can't pour from an empty cup"
Facilitators play a crucial role in guiding discussions and ensuring a safe environment. They establish ground rules to encourage respectful dialogue, recognising that participants will have differing perspectives on how to cope with the situation. “We say everyone’s in a difficult situation. Everyone has a different perspective and that’s OK,” Lizzie explained. This approach helps to mitigate potential conflicts and ensures that discussions remain constructive.
The Inform programme also focuses on providing practical support to participants. This includes guidance on navigating the criminal justice system, understanding potential safeguarding measures for children and learning how to take care of themselves. “We talk a lot about wellbeing in Inform,” said Ida, emphasising the importance of self-care. Participants learn that they can’t support others effectively if they are not caring for themselves first, encapsulated in the saying, “You can’t pour from an empty cup”.
A unique support system
The Inform programme stands out because it addresses a gap in support services for families affected by child sexual abuse convictions. As one programme attendee noted, “There’s not too many services out there for people who are going through something like this.” This unique support network is vital for people who may feel overwhelmed and lost in a confusing and chaotic situation.
Moreover, Inform recognises that family members are often secondary victims in these circumstances. They experience significant emotional distress and life upheaval, which is frequently overlooked. By providing a dedicated space for them to process their feelings and gain support, Inform plays an essential role in the healing journey for families.
A key part of the programme is the peer support it fosters. “People connect with one another,” Ida explained. “This connection often leads to the formation of friendships and support networks, which can be incredibly healing.”
"I feel better informed and the experience of meeting other people in similar situations was comforting."
Inform programme attendee
An unexpected lifeline
Inform is complemented by our Stop It Now helpline and Family and Friends Forum.
Our Family and Friends Forum is for family members and friends of people who have been viewing sexual images of children or sexually communicating with a child online. Launched in August 2018, the forum is available 24/7, allowing users from across the globe to explore discussions at their own pace.
As Lizzie shared, “The forum provides the perfect stepping stone to see what help is available without having to take that active step of joining the Inform programme if they’re not ready.” This reflects our understanding that many individuals may feel hesitant to seek help directly.
This space is especially valuable for those who may feel isolated due to stigma or shame surrounding the arrest of a loved one and allows individuals to read about others’ experiences, making them feel less alone and more supported.
"The people on this forum fill me with hope and the solidarity you offer gives me strength."
Family and Friends Forum user
Last year, we had over 45,000 users on the forum, a number that keeps on rising.
“It’s upsetting to see such a high demand, but positive to know that they are able to access a support service to help them cope,” says Ida.
“A lot of people on the forum have completed the Inform programme and take the opportunity to encourage other people to sign up,” she added. “They talk about their experiences and help us address queries and concerns that other users might have.”
Beyond the aftermath
Despite the challenges, facilitators find great satisfaction in their work. Knowing that they are helping people rebuild their lives and prevent future harm gives them a sense of purpose and fulfilment. As Neia, a sessional worker with a background in forensic psychology and helping people overcome different addictions, eloquently stated regarding the Inform group, “Especially those within Inform where the loved ones have done nothing and this issue has just kind of crashed into their lives, and they’re at their wit’s end and everything is terrible – the idea that you’re there helping support them is so fulfilling. Similar to our Stop It Now helpline as well. The idea that, oh, this person is just a bit happier now and that this person feels a bit more supported – it’s nice to have that feeling.”
These sentiments encapsulate the heart of our work to protect children: helping people, often in their darkest moments, find a path to a better future.
Find out more
Our anonymous Stop It Now helpline can support any adult worried about a child or young person’s sexual behaviour.
Our Inform programme supports partners, ex-partners, relatives and friends of anyone who has been arrested, cautioned or convicted for internet offences involving indecent images of children or sexual communication with children.
We teamed up with other child protection organisations and law enforcement agencies to produce an easy-access service directory to guide partners or family members of people who have been arrested for viewing sexual images of under-18s to find support and information.
Our Faithfull Paper provides further insight into the impact of our Family and Friends Forum.
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